Name:

Robert of Flatulent Pass

Persona:

A noblemen in 12th century England, living in a small village outside of York. Robert's village was attacked by the evil tyrant Priapus Maximus, a Europe born warlord bent on sizing control over the countryside and establishing himself as the local magistrate. With his Wife and children dead in the attack, home destroyed and all wealth taken from him. Robert travels the countryside in hot pursuit of his oppressor, dispatching all foes in his path. Until he can have his final confrontation with Priapus Maximus.

History in the SCA:

Timeline:

When started in SCA: 1991 >> Significant events since then: * Entertainer >>> Once, at a feast in Calanais, Robert is said to have consumed six hard boiled eggs, 2 heads of cabbage and 47 chicken wings. After the first remove, Robert entertained the hall by playing his rendition of "Hotspur" through use of anal vocalization by improvising a megaphone made from a post-reveal map. >>> * Master Negotiator >>> One year at Pennsic War, Robert decided to recruit the Tuchux as mercenaries. Loaded with offerings of liquor and beer, he traveled his way across Pennsic, to Tuchux Hill. Robert boldly marched in and declared a challenge to the Tuchux Ubar, a contest of drink. If Robert were victorious, the Tuchux were to ally with Calontir. If defeated, Robert was to be stripped of his heraldry and hosen and walk home in the nude. >>> >>> The Tuchux leader and Robert matched each other drink for drink, using hollowed out dog skulls as shot glasses. Each time the Tuchux drank, his clansmen cheered. Each time Robert drank, the clansmen growled. Both men stood fast against his opponent, but soon needed additional support from a pair of tiny stools. Eventually, both men were sitting on the bare earth, still drinking from the dog skulls, matching each other evenly. Finally, when the last drop was consumed, both men were still upright and conscious. The Tuchux declared victory, and commanded Robert to strip naked before their entire camp. Robert offered up a second challenge. Though first he honored his agreement and stripped naked and stood before the entire Tuchux host, in nothing but the clothing the Lord gave him the day he emerged from his mother's womb. Most men would have left in humiliation at that point in time, but not Robert of Flatulent Pass. >>> >>> He challenged the Tuchux to one more contest. to see which man could be the first to successfully light a candle using only the emission of their vapors. If the Tuchux won, Robert would have to supply the clan with drink for the duration of the war. If Robert won, he got his clothing back, and still gain the Tuchux support in the war. Two long taper candles, and a flaming stick from the fire were brought before them. The Tuchux hiked his leg an raised his loincloth, and emitted a flash that jumped suddenly from the stick to the candle, leaving a dancing flame on the wick. The clan cheered, and wooted. One stuck his face nose to nose with Robert and warned him not to come back with any fruit flavored beer. Robert, already disrobed, bent over and held his breath for a moment. It was silent as they all waited to see Robert's attempt. One Tuchux started to laugh, then another, and another until the entire clan was engulfed in laughter. Another Tuchux pounded the table with his fist while red faced and overcome, knocking over a bottle of spirits. >>> >>> Right then, Robert's true talents were revealed. There was a ripping sound and a blueish green flash erupted from the candle, that ran back to the stick and then to Robert's arse. The man screamed, not a manly scream as you might expect. But a high pitched scream somewhere between relief, angelic arousal and damnation of pain. The smell of burnt hair and pickled eggs filled the air. The overturned bottle ignited, and flames begin to dance up a nearby tent. Tuchux were running to beat the fire out using shammy cloths, horse tails, anything they could find. Robert found his clothing and dressed himself, he helped fight the blaze along with the Tuchux but soon the entire camp was lost.File:Burning >>> >>> Now homeless, the Tuchux were forced to pack up their remaining belonging and leave the war. In order to save face and suppress the truth, that their camp had been burnt down by an out of control farting contest, a cover story was concocted that involve a Tuchux committing an indiscretion, causing the entire camp to be kicked out by the Coopers. * Origin of Robert >>> Once, as a young man, Robert of Flatulent Pass made a voyage to the far East. He found his way to a remote mountain village, which seemed at first an ideal spot to spend the winter. His host, whom he had paid handsomely for logging, had warned him not to enter the nearby temple, as outsiders were not welcome there. >>> >>> Robert had not found his way to this snow covered village by accident. This was a well considered and planned journey to find the おならマスター. The one that would teach him the way, and grant him the powers that would be his namesake. Robert found the おならマスター practicing his art, against a stray cat. >>> File:Calontiri/fart cat.jpg >>> Robert demanded that the おならマスター teach him the way. But the おならマスター waved him off, saying that the Gaijin could not be taught. Suggesting that his time would be better spent drinking or collecting lost monkey droppings. Robert decided to wait until the おならマスター changed his mind. He waited in front of the temple through the night, and the next day, through rainstorms, through snowfall, even through the taunting of small children. Finally the おならマスター came out of the temple and told Robert that if he could knock down this small tree using talents, then the おならマスター would train him. >>> Robert focused, furrowing his brow, but nothing happened. Finally he dropped to the ground and buried his face in the dirt. Pushed with all his might, and a mighty blast from his arse blew the tree out of the ground >>> >>> おならマスター smiled, clapped his hands once and attendants appeared. They accoutered Robert with the ceremonial training robes of the おならの学生. Thus his training begins. >>> >>> おならマスター forced Robert to eat nothing but fish and beans for weeks. Every day he was to practice bending over, and expelling his wind. First, they practiced lighting candles. One, then two, then finally entire candelabras at once. After candles, Robert moved to balance. He mastered his attack from horse back. >>> >>> >>> Although, there was an unfortunate accident, a case of friendly fire that resulted in the death of one of the おならマスター ponies. >>> >>> >>> >>> One day, members of a rival school appeared at the steps of the temple, they felt that the おならマスター teaching a Gaijin brought dishonor to their craft. They would not be dissuaded, and soon Robert found himself in a grand Melee of Supīdo kōgeki. >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> Robert and his fellow students fought valiantly, and rebuffed their attackers. >>> >>> >>> >>> However, the おならマスター was caught in the crossfire. >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> The attackers fled, like frightened school children. But it was too late for おならマスター . His last words to Robert, were simple and graceful “あなた愚かなバカ” >>> >>> And then he passed away, his soul flowing up to heaven, like an orange blossom leaf in a breeze. >>> >>> Robert took their meaning to heart, he left the temple and returned to his heartland. Where he could continue with his training, and teaching his skills others. >>> >>> >>> Link to Calontir OP[[1]]